Category Archives: Recipes

Smiling when you fucking want to and also Protein Bars

 

Warning:  I’m pissed and I am going to say “Fuck“.  A lot.

Men need to stop telling women they see on the street to smile.

If they like smiling so much, then maybe they should walk down the street smiling for absolutely no fucking reason at all.  At least then women will know from a safe distance that the man is a lunatic and should be avoided because who else but a wack job would just be walking down the street with a smile on their face?

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smīl/e  verb

form one’s features into a pleased, kind, or amused expression, typically with the corners of the mouth turned up and the front teeth exposed.

So here is the breakdown of why  I am cracking down on this thing of men telling women they should smile:

  1. They don’t deserve it.

Okay so who in the hell are you that you think just because you are on the street at the same time that I am that I would be pleased and amused and want to express that toward you?  Unless you are Bradley Cooper, Daniel Craig or David Beckham, who I also don’t personally know, then I am not going to smile at you as I walk down the street by myself just because you said so.  You  deserve a throat punch from me not a smile.

  1.  It is harassment.

Shouting to a stranger “You’re not even going to smile for me?!”  Is not less offensive than shouting, “You’re a bitch!”  because both make a woman feel unsafe.  

  1.  You don’t get to tell me what to do.

This is a command to perform something, a smile.  It is saying, “Show me you are pleased with me even though you don’t even know who the hell I am.”   No.   I smile when I want to.  

  1.  It’s rapey.  There I said it.  Do women ever do this?  Hell no! It is a domination thing, an intimidation thing.  We do not tell men to smile.  We do not randomly tell each other to smile. Men do not do this to other men.

Okay okay, so here’s what happened:  

When this happened to me recently,  my mind was on the spin training I was on my way to so of course I didn’t expect the shout directed at me, “What you’re not even going to smile for me?”  and I simply brushed it off and ignored the asshole but the more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off.   If this ever happens to me again,  Here is what they will get:   

TeethSo how do you like me now? Huh?  Am I prettier now?

I wonder how this will make him feel?  Maybe horrified?  Maybe a little bit attacked?  Maybe he will think twice before doing it again to another woman?  Maybe it will piss him off, I don’t know but I am not going to do what this person says and I am not going to give them the satisfaction of thinking that they intimidated me.  Also, fuck him.

I also hate that my daughters will have to deal with this.  In fact, they already do.  I also hate that much worse happens to women each and every day.  This one thing is enough to make my blood boil.

So for the record it is not okay when a man does this to a woman.  Just in case anyone thought so.  It is straight up harassment and it makes a woman feel unsafe.  Also, even if you know the person, it is still rude because you are actually just calling her a bitch whether you know her or not.

And now here is something to really smile about!  You may be walking down the street and remember you have one of these chocolaty satisfying snacks in your bag for later and then you won’t be able to help but smile!

Protein Bar

 

 

 

 

Protein Bars recipe

  • 2  1/4 cups whey protein
  • 1 cup almond butter
  • 1 cup coconut unsweetened
  • 4 tbs raw honey
  • ¼ cup cocoa
  • 1 tbs cinnamon
  • 1tsp vanilla extract
  • 1 tsp Himalayan salt divided into 3/4 tsp and 1/4 tsp
  • 1/2 of an 85% – 90% dark chocolate bar.

Directions:

  1. Combine all ingredients in a food processor and blend till combined.
  2. Pour and mold into a 7 x 5 x 1.5 inch glass container lined with wax paper
  3. Melt half a 85% or 95% dark chocolate bar in the microwave and spread all over the top and sprinkle with 1/4 tsp Himalayan salt.
  4. Refrigerate for a couple of hours at least and then cut into ten pieces.  Wrap individually in wax lined foil paper and store in the refrigerator.

 

  • Total Protein   17.6
  • Total Carbs  15.82 
  • Total Fat 22.44
  • Total Calories  317.7
  • 7 grams of sugar 

Smug Cake

Here’s the best thing that ever happened to getting up at 4:30 a.m. in the cold to go work out before going to work:

Two words.  Mug.  Cake.
Mug Cake Chocolate Raspberry

So on my never ending quest for food and ways to make it be healthy and simple, I have come across this thing called the mug cake.  I did not invent the mug cake but if I did, I would have to call it Smug Cake because if I had invented a way to have yummy comfort food that is healthy and quick like this, I would be all sorts of full of myself.  I just came across this idea on Facebook but nevertheless, I have to share this awesomeness with you!

Also I really can’t be too smug because I wore not black pants to boot camp and then did lots and lots and lots of jump rope. If you don’t know why that was a bad idea then please read my workout tip below:  

Workout tip:  If you have ever given birth and you are over 40 and your workout will include lots of jump rope, and maybe you had a little too much coffee before, for the love of all things not embarrassing, do NOT wear any other color pants besides black!  You may not be able to stop nature as you pound your feet down a couple hundred times while your trainer in her amazing way of motivating you to go “faster!” “How many can you get in?!”  gets you to push yourself in ways you never thought possible.  Thank you Jean for being that trainer!  Cindarella Jump RopeBut alas, jump rope is not quite like it was when I was 8.  “Cinderella dressed in yellow….” I suppose maybe yellow was a good choice for jump rope? No. Not really.

In any event, if the same person who peed their pants at boot camp can make a mug cake then you know it is really that simple.  It should be called Duh Cake.

Here is the basic recipe:

  1. One mug
  2. One Banana
  3. One Egg
  4. One Tbsp Dark Cocoa

Instructions:

  1. Beat together.
  2. microwave 2 minutes.
  3. Eat.

For my pre-workout Mug Cake I like to add:

  1. 1 tbs brewed coffee
  2. dash cinnamon
  3. 1tbs maca
  4. dash Himalayan Salt
  5. 1tsp vanilla

This warm, cocoa-y cake definitely helps me to get up early in the morning and has the carbs, protein, caffeine and nutrients in it to get me ready to rock that workout!  This and some black pants and I am pretty much unstoppable.

You could play with the recipe and make it for dessert for your family in cute little Christmas mugs with some peppermint or if you are all about the pumpkin flavor, add a little pureed pumpkin and pumpkin pie spices instead of the cocoa!  Top that shit with some nice cream, serve it with that smug cake look all over your face because you pushed a few buttons on the microwave and made cozy yummy magic happen and now everyone loves you.

Smug Face

Smug Face

Then sit back in your dry pants with your cozy cup of cake and smile because you have cake! And the only thing that got dirty is one mug and a fork.

 

 

Nice Cream

Nice cream:  another really easy recipe

  1. 3 frozen bananas
  2. 1 tsp vanilla
  3. dash of sea salt

Instructions:

  1. Peel bananas.  Slice into 2 inch pieces.  Wrap in plastic.  Freeze rock hard (overnight)
  2. Put all ingredients in food processor.  Pulse a couple times then blend.  It will go from chunky, to gooey to creamy.  
  3. Spread into a glass container, cover with plastic wrap and then an air tight lid.
  4. Place in freezer.
  5. Wait at least 2 hours (for gelato type consistency)
  6. Now you can eat it.  

For chocolate – also add 3 tbs of cocoa and 1 tbs coconut oil.

You can add some nut butter while you are spreading it in the dish before you freeze it for chocolate nut butter swirl.  

Get creative!  the possibilities with this are endless!

Pee pants

Batch cooking and stuffed chicken thighs

Paleo Stuffed Chicken Thighs

Paleo Stuffed Chicken Thighs

Batch Cooking.  I have to admit that it intimidates me.  I spend a little too long getting ready to get ready to do it knowing that I’m going to be in the kitchen a looooong ass time but just like everything else, I have learned that you just have to get started and do one task at a time and get done what you get done and not get all stressy.  At least that’s what I tell myself to do.

This Sunday I spent 6 hours in my kitchen making a ton of food.  I am hoping that it will pay off and that I won’t have to do any cooking for at least the next 4 days.

Here’s what I made:

Cooked 3 boneless chicken breasts

Cooked 2 packages of chicken tenders

Butternut squash soup.

Roasted cauliflower

Cooked 2 pounds of ground turkey with an onion and then mixed some with bacon and mushrooms and tomato sauce and made 4 stuffed peppers ready to heat in the oven

Pesto

I peeled and cut up a bag of carrots

Zoodles.

By 8:30 I was ready to jump out of my kitchen window but at least now I don’t have to cook and I can just eat and relax the rest of the week. Well, I never relax but at least the food is cooked.

While I did all of that stuff, I also made a big batch of Paleo Stuffed Chicken Thighs.  It was enough for my family of 4 adult sized people for dinner for 2 nights and an extra for my lunch.

Now, a week later, I am glad that I invested the time.  However, the weather is absolutely gorgeous and I don’t want to spend all day in my kitchen today.  Now that I have it down, I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get this all done in less time today.  We shall see.

Also, instead of making a dinner for tonight that is more complicated and time consuming, I will pan sear some lamb leg and serve with a couple of veggies.  You can look at this a couple of different ways.  Either you decide you are going to be making a huge mess in your kitchen anyway, so you may as well just make a big dinner too, or you can make a simpler dinner and save this one for when you have a little less going on.  Either way, these chicken thighs are delicious and definitely worth making!

Paleo Stuffed Chicken Thighs

Ingredients

2 packages of boneless chicken thighs

1 lb of thinly sliced prosciutto

2 red bell peppers, roasted and sliced into 1/4 inch strips.  (Do this first).

2 eggs, beaten

Pesto*

24 sun dried tomatoes

1 1/2 cups almond meal

1 tbs nutritional yeast

dried oregano

Himalayan Salt

ground black pepper

garlic powder

Tapioca flour

Coconut oil for frying

Pasta sauce of choice

Pesto

2 cups or 2 hand fulls of baby spinach

¼ cup chopped fresh parsley

2 cloves garlic (peeled and smashed)

1 tbs nutritional yeast

¼ cup pine nuts

2 pinches of Himalayan Salt

ground pepper to taste

2 tablespoons olive oil

Add it all to your food processor except the olive oil and pulse till well-blended.

Slowly add the olive oil and pulse until a pesto paste like consistency.

Instructions

First mix together the almond meal, nutritional yeast, salt and pepper in a wide shallow bowl and set aside.

Next, open up and lightly pound the chicken thighs with a meat tenderizing mallet.

Set up your assembly line:  Chicken thighs, tapioca flour, pesto, prosciutto, peppers, sun dried tomatoes, salt, pepper and dried oregano, beat eggs and almond meal mixture.

Assemble each chicken thigh by opening up, spreading a tablespoon of pesto on the inside of each, laying on a slice of prosciutto, topping that with about 2 or 3 tomatoes and a couple slices of pepper, sprinkle with oregano, roll up as tightly as possible without losing the goodies inside, and place in a baking dish.

Once they are all assembled, dust each with tapioca flour, dip in egg and roll in the almond meal mixture.

Then when they are all assembled, dusted, dipped and rolled, they are ready to brown.

Heat a tablespoon or more of coconut oil in a large frying pan on medium high heat.  Place the chicken in the pan and lightly brown on each side.  Transfer back to the baking dish.FullSizeRender (4)

Bake covered on 350 degrees for 30 minutes or till chicken is no longer pink.

While that is baking you can heat up your sauce and prep a green salad. A dinner without some greens isn’t dinner as far as I’m concerned and it looks great next to the red sauce!

Serve with sauce and salad and enjoy!

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Lucky in Love Lamb Shoulder

 

Lamb ShoulderA very special day was approaching and I wanted to mark the occasion with a special dish.  I wanted to impress someone very special to me and make a meal that was elegant, savory and a little bit different than my usual.

The very special day was our seventh wedding anniversary and the someone very special was obviously my husband.   For some reason, our seventh anniversary seemed like a big one.  Why?  Well maybe because the number seven is supposed to be lucky, or because of that old movie with the seductive Marilyn Monroe, The Seven Year Itch, about getting  all “itchy” after seven years of marriage.  Well, thanks to this freezing weather, I have been moisturizing like crazy and have avoided getting itchy.  I suspect that my husband has also been using my moisturizer, so thank goodness, we should not have to worry about either one of us getting the “itch”!

Each year we have been exchanging gifts pursuant to the traditional wedding anniversary gifts as set forth by those sentimental folks at Hallmark.  One year it was wood.  I quickly found a wooden handled spatula at a local discount store and he gave me diamond earrings.  I know.  He reaalllly messed that up big time.  How could he forget about our Hallmark tradition?! I don’t know what he was thinking buying me diamond earrings, but I’m pretty sure Marilyn would have forgiven him so I did too.  Lucky him.

This year the traditional gift was wool.  Good grief!  Wouldn’t that exacerbate the whole itching thing!? Was Hallmark deliberately trying to sabotage my marriage?   A tradition is a tradition so I went ahead and bought him two wool sweaters that don’t fit and he gave me a wool scarf that doesn’t match my coat.  Fail.

Then we decided maybe we could try our luck on a Lucky 7’s scratch off game from the New York Lottery!   It seemed appropriate for the 7 years and to satisfy our supposed need to scratch something at this point in our marriage.  No luck there either.Lucky 7s game

Finally, we came to the conclusion that we did not need any of these things to feel lucky.  What is lucky is that we found each other in this world and fit so perfectly together.  And that our love for each other is so strong, so true and so unconditional that we have so far been able to make seven great years together! For that, we toasted to being lucky in love and not the least bit itchy!

This dish was a success and not very difficult to prepare.  It presented very nicely and my groom and I loved it.   It’s elegant, but it should only take at the most a couple of hours to totally prepare so you could make it for a special occasion or any night of the week.  If you made it during the week, I would suggest having your herbs and veggies cleaned and chopped up ahead of time.

Seventh Anniversary Lamb Shoulder with Rosemary Balsamic Reduction, Roasted Rosemary Carrots and Beets on Beet GreensLamb Shoulder

What you will need:

2 Lamb shoulders about .75 lbs each

½ yellow onion – sliced thin or about 4 small shallots ( I didn’t have any so I used a regular yellow onion but shallots would probably have been a nicer)

2 cloves of garlic, peeled, smashed and minced

2 tbs fresh rosemary finely chopped

1 tbs fresh parsley, finely chopped

1 bunch of beets with greens – about 4-5 beets – thoroughly rinsed

2 large carrots, peeled and chopped

Extra Virgin Olive Oil

2 tbs fat of choice (I used bacon, but coconut oil works too)

Himalayan Salt

Ground black pepper

1 cup balsamic vinegar

 

This is how you do it:

Take the lamb shoulders out about an hour or more before you start to cook so the meat is closer to room temperature.

Heat oven to 450 degrees.

After rinsing the dirt off the beets, remove the stems and set aside. Then cut into 1 inch pieces

1.  Start with the veggies – Place cut-up beets, half of your prepared onion and the carrots in a shallow glass baking pan and generously salt and pepper them.  Sprinkle about a tablespoon of the rosemary on them. Drizzle about 2 tbs of olive oil on them and stir around to evenly coat.  Bake at 450 for ½ hour.

Then grab those beet greens and rinse off the leaves.   Carefully tear the leaves off from the hard stems and rinse well again.  Nothing grosser than taking a bite and getting some dirt!  I know cavemen inadvertently ate some dirt but my paleo approach is not about re-enacting the Paleolithic Era because that is obviously impossible and stupid.  It’s about emulating the basic diet of vegetables and meat with the goal to consume anti-inflammatory, nutrient dense food, but I digress… Okay, off my paleo soap-box and back to the beets.

Add a tablespoon of fat to a dutch oven on medium heat.  Once hot and melted, add the beet greens and stir and cook a few minutes.  Add some salt and pepper to season, stir and cook and then about a tablespoon or 2 of chicken broth.  Turn down the heat to low and keep covered.

After a half hour stir the veggies around and check to see if they are done.  They should need a few more minutes at that point.  Turn the heat down to 400 and give them another 10 minutes.  If they are done, take out and set aside.  You can pop them back in at the end to heat them up.

2.  For the Lamb – Heat half a tablespoon of fat in a cast iron pan on medium high heat.  Salt, Pepper and put a pinch of rosemary on each side of the lamb.  Once hot, sear the lamb on each side for about 3 minutes and then turn the heat down just a little and turn and cook on each side about 2 minutes.  Add a little olive oil on top and finish it in the oven on 400 degrees for up to 5 minutes for medium well.  If you want it more rare, after searing, give it one minute each side and finish in the oven for about 4 minutes.  Just keep the searing time the same.

3.  For the Balsamic Glaze – Heat a tablespoon of olive oil in a new pan on medium low heat and the rest of your prepared onion or shallots.  Saute’ a minute or 2 and then add the garlic for another minute.  Keep it on low.  When your lamb is finishing in the oven, turn up the heat  on the onion and garlic.  Add the rosemary and parsley and the balsamic.  Bring to a boil and stir.  Cook it down to about ¼ less balsamic and simmer about 10 minutes.

Once the lamb is done take out to rest about 5 minutes.

Place some beet greens on your plate, put the carrots and beets on top and the lamb shoulder along side it.

Pour the balsamic on top of the lamb.  Give it a little bit more salt and pepper if you like.  In my photo above I did not drown the lamb in the balsamic but after the shot I totally did and I suggest that you do too because it’s freakin’ delicious!

Enjoy!

 

 

Breakfast for Dinner Party for Two

FullSizeRender (8)When I’m not sure what’s going on with the gang, I’ll plan some meals for the week and then have one or 2 “back-up” ideas.  Breakfast for dinner is one such back-up plan.  One night this past week, it was just me and my youngest daughter Claire, so we had breakfast for dinner.

Declaring Breakfast for Dinner to Claire is the equivalent of declaring this night a party night!  We both get excited and do a little pre-food food dance that involves a little hip swerve followed by 2 fist pumps, repeated three times, with or without biting the lower lip and ending with a high-five.

It’s fun to do things backwards sometimes and we get to be a little naughty and have some maple syrup, and maybe a liiiiiittle more syrup and maybe just a drop more. And Okay stop it already with the syrup!  The shit is expensive, not to mention it’s sugar and we already know that sugar is a huge jerk.  An expensive delicious jerk.

We had pancakes topped with strawberries, maple syrup and some breakfast sausage that I bought from a local grass-fed farm.  I didn’t include any pictures of the sausage though, sorry.  I took some but ya know, sausage just isn’t very photogenic.  This is true even on other blogs, good blogs, much more sophisticated food blogs.  I think it just ends up looking like poo or like um well, like something else unmentionable and this is not that kind of party.  So you will have to take my word for it, the sausage was really good even if it looked like, whatever.

Nevertheless, Claire and I had ourselves a paleo pancake breakfast-for-dinner partay!  I made sure to text pictures of it to my husband and oldest daughter just to rub it in that we were having a party without them because I’m a jerk.  A big fat paleo jerk.  FullSizeRender (9)

Paleo Pancakes

Ingredients:

3 bananas

3 eggs

¼ tsp baking powder

½ tsp vanilla

½ tsp cinnamon

½ cup cashew or almond butter

½ cup of finely chopped walnuts

fresh or frozen strawberries

 

How to make them:

In a mixing bowl with a hand mixer, mash the bananas

add in the eggs and blend together

next blend in the nut butter

add in the baking powder, cinnamon and blend and

last the vanilla, blending together till completely blended

Heat a non-stick pan on medium heat and melt some fat (coconut oil or bacon fat works)

pour by ladle fulls as many as will fit in you pan without them touching and allowing for even distribution of the heat.

Once they are thicker looking and starting to bubble, and the ends appear to be done, carefully flip with a thin flat spatula.  This is tricky and takes some practice and it’s okay if they break.  I find paleo pancakes are harder to flip than traditional ones but you’ll get the hang of it and if they break, who cares?  You’re going to eat them anyway.

Lower the heat a little after flipping them and when done, keep warm in the oven on 200 degrees until the rest of the pancakes are done.

Serve topped with ghee, strawberries and a little maple syrup.  Enjoy!

You can also get really nutty and top with more nut butter and nuts with apples and cinnamon.  In this recipe, I substituted one banana with 3/4 cup of pureed pumpkin.

 

Paleo banana pancakes with sweet potato and almond butter

Chicken Balls Soup

Chicken Balls Soup (1)The word “balls” is funny.  I love to add it to other words because it’s just so hilarious and because I am so mature. Alec Baldwin, Molly Shannon and Ana Gasteyer had everyone dying just using that word for over 5 minutes in the Delicious Dish.

mmmm shweddy balls

mmmm shweddy balls

I also think it’s funny to use it as an expletive.  Drop something and say “BALLS!”  Forget something, “BALLS!”  Screw up at work, “BALLS!”  You know it just feels good to swear.  You may know that this was actually tested on MythBusters years ago and they found that folks could withstand pain longer if they spewed “swear words” as opposed to other words.  I know this is true because I have given birth twice.   There’s a whole bunch of geeky science behind this phenomenon.    601191_383148001821042_667965715_n

However, having a potty mouth isn’t really something I would brag about or put on a resume, “Excellent organizational skills, proficient in Excel and cursing…”  but it does have it’s place and can help at the right time.  I for one, swear like a sailor, but that is mostly just when I am driving or giving birth.  It isn’t always socially acceptable to swear, so as an alternative, it can be fun to use ridiculous words in lieu of swear words to help us through those frustrating and painful moments, or perhaps when we are in the presence of children or in mixed company.  For example, to quote the famous Will Ferrell whose character was making an effort to keep it G as a soccer coach in Kicking and Screaming,  “Mother of PEARL!”  and also in Elf, “Son of a NUTCRACKER!”   Instead of saying “Bullshit”  sometimes I will say “Baloney Sandwiches!”   I love this form of swearing because you still experience some degree of lalochezia, (my new favorite word), but also some comic relief and  I can’t think of what could be better than that, except of course this soup I just made.

IMG_0082

And I didn’t know what in the Sam Hill to call this soup.  I could call it something  really douchey like “Asian Inspired Free-Range Chicken Soup”  or I could just call it what it is:  Amazeballs Soup!  or Incrediballs Soup! or, well, you get the picture.  It’s some really good shit.  I swear!

 

Ingredients:

1 lb ground chicken

1 egg

¼ cup almond meal

dash of crushed red pepper

sea salt and ground black pepper

16 oz bone broth (chicken or turkey, I used turkey from my Christmas turkey)

¼ cup fish sauce

¾  cup coconut aminos

1 red bell pepper diced

3 medium carrots peeled and then peeled into “noodles” (just keep going with the vegetable peeler)

½ large or one small yellow onion, diced

about 2 large heads of broccoli cut into florets

3 cloves of garlic smashed and minced

1 tablespoon of fresh garlic, peeled and minced

sea salt and ground black pepper

1 heaping tablespoon of grass fed bacon fat or coconut oil

Instructions:

In large dutch oven, melt fat

Add onion and cook on medium for about 2-3 minutes till soft

Add pepper, dash of salt and a few cranks of your pepper mill and cook for about 3 more minutes or till soft and then add in the carrots

Meanwhile in a mixing bowl combine ground chicken, almond meal, egg, salt, pepper and crushed red pepper and roll into balls, then add to the dutch oven.  Turn them as they begin to brown.

Once the chicken balls are mostly cooked through, add in the broccoli florets and turn the heat down to medium low, cover for a few minutes to allow the broccoli to steam a little.

Last add the broth, fish sauce, coconut aminos and another pinch of salt and pepper.

Bring to just before a boil, turn down to simmer for about 10-15 minutes and serve topped with some crushed macadamia nuts.  You can totally let this sit longer than that on low with the cover on it and it will stay hot for a long time.

 

 

Warm up with Paleo Cabbage Rolls

 

Cabbage RollIt has been freeeezing around here!   So cold that schools are closed today.  Right now I’d be at the gym being a beast but my class was cancelled so instead I am being a wuss all snuggled up with a blanket and coffee and feeling cozy.

The holidays are over and you know what that means – Everyone has been getting sick with the flu, stomach bug and other nasty viruses.  What better way to heal, warm up and fill up than with a hot delicious plate of nutritious comfort food!

AND… you can really do well to reduce your chances of getting sick by doing a few simple common sense things:

Eat plenty of greens at every meal all year because they are packed with all things great for a healthy digestive and immune system such as fiber, vitamins A, C, K, potassium, calcium and folate.

Avoid sugar because that is probably the worst thing for your immune system as it is void of nutrition, causes inflammation, causes weight gain, contributes to metabolic syndrome, disrupts sleep and destroys your gut.  Sugar is a huge jerk.

Get proper sleep – at least 7 hours the same times each night in the darkest room possible.  The darker the better because lights disrupt the production of the hormone melatonin, a powerful antioxidant and anti-inflammatory that strengthens your immune system.

Exercise – to strengthen your heart, lungs, muscles and bones, and reduce sickness-inducing stress.

Last but not least, avoid spreading germs with hand washing.  Use regular soap and water not antibacterial because that stuff is not any more effective and only makes the resistant bacteria more resistant.  Unless you have just washed your hands, don’t touch your face or put your fingers in or around your mouth and remind (I mean nag) your kids to stop doing that. Touching your face is a really bad habit, so stop it.  You just did it.  I saw you!

I know it can be really hard to avoid getting sick when everyone around you is sick, but you can reduce your chances and if you do get sick, your body will have the tools to fight it off faster.

So basically,  “Go to bed!”, “Eat your veggies!” and “Wash your hands!” is not just your mom or me nagging you, doing that stuff is truly vital to your health.

Speaking of veggies, I love the smell of cabbage cooking.  I know it’s not a particularly popular smell, but I have heard that your sense of smell is the sense closest linked to your memory and I associate the smell of cabbage cooking with my grandmother’s house.  So this meal is an extra comfort to me as I remember a happy time and place from my childhood.

Paleo Cabbage Rolls

1 cabbage
1 onion chopped
1 green bell pepper chopped
1 cup sliced mushrooms
1 head cauliflower chopped into medium small pieces
2 cloves garlic smashed and minced
3 cups baby spinach
Coarse salt (sea salt or Himalayan)
Fresh ground pepper
1/8 tsp red pepper flakes
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
Organic jar tomato sauce (pasta sauce works)
Dash of onion powder and garlic powder
1 tsp raw local honey
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon coconut oil or fat of choice
1 pound ground bison, beef or ground meat of choice

Place cauliflower on parchment lined baking sheet, season with salt and pepper and coat evenly with plenty of melted coconut oil.  Roast on 400 degrees for about 25 minutes.  Remove and set aside.

Heat fat in skillet on medium heat then add onion, dash of salt & pepper, cook 2 mins and then add bell pepper and garlic and cook a few more minutes or till starting to soften.
Add mushrooms and spinach and half a cup of roasted cauliflower and cook till juices incorporate

With a long sharp knife, cut around the core of the cabbage to loosen the leaves then remove each leaf.  It helps to run warm water between them as you go.  Pick out the best leaves for the rolls and place the “rejects” in the bottom of a glass 9 x 11 casserole pan.  These will help the rolls to stay soft and not burn. Also choose some of the larger outer leaves that you will use to place over top of the rolls so the top doesn’t burn either.

Place the remaining leaves in a large pot of salted water and bring to a boil.  Let them cook for about 2-3 minutes so they are soft but not falling apart and then turn them out on to clean towels.

Add a tablespoon of olive oil to a sauce pan and add the jar of sauce, 1/4 cup of red wine vinegar, dash of garlic and onion powder and teaspoon of honey.  Heat through on low heat.

Mix together a cup of the sauce and the meat in a bowl and season with salt and pepper and crushed red pepper.  Mix in the cooked vegetables.

Place 3/4 cup of the meat/veggie mixture on each cabbage leaf and roll up by folding in the sides and place in casserole dish.  Spoon sauce on top of each roll, season with salt and pepper and drizzle with olive oil.  Cover with remaining leaves.  Now they are all tucked in and cozy.

Bake at 375 degrees for half hour to 40 mins or until you notice it start to bubble a little.cabbage rolls (1)

Mix together a salad of  baby spinach, a tsp each olive oil &  red wine vinegar, dash salt, pepper, onion powder and garlic powder and put on your serving plates.

While the cabbage rolls are baking, reheat the cauliflower for a couple of minutes.  When the cabbage rolls are done, take them out to rest.

Place cauliflower in food processor with 2 tablespoons of turkey or chicken broth and pulse till blended.

Top spinach with a cabbage roll and top the roll with more sauce, olive oil and vinegar if desired.  Put some mashed cauliflower on the side and serve.  Enjoy!Cabbage Roll with Mashed Cauliflower (1)

Late Dinner Squoodles with Bison Sauce… and a side of OCD

Squoodles with Bison Sauce

Squoodles with Bison Sauce

OMG it’s 9:00!  Is dinner ever going to be ready?  How is it that I got up at 4:30 this morning and dinner isn’t even done yet??!  I tell ya, I just don’t know where all the time goes.  I had so much crap to get caught up on like laundry, dusting and vacuuming.  I finally got around to vacuuming the couch, in which I collected about $3.00 in change in the cushions!  Ca-ching!!  Also some cashews and almonds  from the husband’s midnight snacks,  and a raisin or two, which I was really tempted to eat because I was getting quite hungry, but that would have been disgusting because it’s been longer than I’d like to admit since I vacuumed anything in this house.  However, I am keeping that money!  I earned it!  I always keep the money I find in the laundry too.  It’s kind of a thrill for me.  Sad, I know.  Know what else is sad?  My house was cleaner when we had a 90 pound German Shepherd living in it!

Our Jackie

Our Jackie

I had no choice but to clean up after that hairy animal all of the damn time.  She was dirty but she was a sweety and I do miss her since she passed away.   We never replaced her.

Now, I let the house go until my OCD can’t take it anymore.   I used to keep my house a lot cleaner before I started working out more and doing this little blog.  Somehow that has helped to  tame my neurosis and it just doesn’t seem so important.

So there you have it.  I work out and cook a lot because I’m fu#*ing crazy!  It’s not a bad crazy though.  Working out, cooking and writing is great therapy and a much healthier way to deal with some OCD tendencies than say…. a gambling addiction, right?   Is gambling an OCD thing?  I’m not really sure.  I know that there are many OCD behaviors or rituals gamblers do like touching the cards or dice in a certain way, a certain number of times, much like I would need to touch everything in my house.  I know I’m not alone. Just being a mom can be enough to push someone sane over the edge straight into crazy town.  This is a scientific fact.

Anyway…After a long day of shopping, working out, spending quality time with loved ones, cleaning and doing laundry, it got late and we needed something simple, healthy and delicious, so I made this  yummy meat sauce on squash noodles.  What would you call those?  Squoodles?  Yes, squoodles.  Wow. That is a ridiculous word.  I love it!

I also love bison, which I recently discovered.  It’s good.  It’s a lean and delicious meat.  I’ve been mixing up my protein sources with bison, venison, chicken, turkey, beef, pork and eggs to get a mix of different amino acids.

Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor.  Goddess.

Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor. Goddess.

Great for building beautiful muscles!

 

 

 

 


Squoodles with Bison Sauce

Ingredients:

2 tbs bacon fat or coconut oil divided
1 pound of ground Bison
1 medium onion, finely chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 tablespoon of fresh minced garlic
1/8 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tbs dried oregano
1 24 oz jar organic marinara sauce or tomatoes
1/2 cup Kalamata olives
4 medium yellow squash                                                                                            2 large handfulls of baby spinach
kosher or sea salt
black pepper

How to make it:

Cut each squash in half vertically, and then with a Veggetti or vegetable spiral tool on the smaller setting, spiral and set aside.

Heat fat or oil in a dutch oven on medium heat until it is melted.
Add the onion and bell pepper, a dash of salt and some black pepper and sauté until soft, about 8 mins stirring so it doesn’t burn.

Next, add in the bison, breaking it up in to little meatball sized pieces, salt and pepper that, let the outer layer of the meat brown a little and then add in the garlic, oregano and red pepper flakes. Lower the heat to low to medium-low and cover.

While that is browning, heat oil or fat in a large sauce pan on medium and then add in the squash noodles, salt and pepper and stir so the oil coats all the noodles. after about a minute, turn down the heat to about half way so the noodles can cook through, stirring frequently.

Once the meat is mostly cooked through, add in the sauce and stir to combine, add the olives, stir in and add in the spinach, cover for a minute or two so it can wilt down .

Once the squash noodles is cooked through and soft but not mushy, about 10-13 minutes, turn them out onto paper towels to absorb the excess liquid.

Stir the spinach into the sauce, then serve the noodles in shallow bowls with the sauce on top. Enjoy!

 

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Hangry Husband & Paleo Sloppy Joes

Sloppy Joes

Sloppy Joes

We’ve all been there.  So hungry that it begins to affect our otherwise wonderful personality.  We steadily reach a point where we become angry, lashing out like a starving animal, ready to rip
the throat out of anyone that would stand in the way of us consuming the flesh of another animal.

This is known as “Hangry.”  Hangriness can affect us all.  Not just the ones who are hangry but also the loved ones of those that are hangry.  When more than one person per household is simutaneously in the throes of hangriness, the atmosphere can become quite volatile so it is best to avoid this situation at all costs.   This past Tuesday evening, hangriness hit my home and the afflicted individual was my husband.    The photo pictured above was just about the last straw for him because it was his god damned DINNER that I was getting in the way of!   This is why you will notice that this photo has that foreboding, dark and scary look to it and the meat is falling out.  I barely got the shot in before that hangry man ripped the cow sandwich away and wolfed it down.

Hangry!

Hangry!

I was like, holy shit man!  Have I been starving you?   After he ate, he was magically transformed back into prince charming.  image

If you have a hangry husband, or wife or child, I highly recommend these savory and satisfying Paleo Sloppy Joes and maybe starting dinner as early as possible.  Also, you can give your hangry loved one some nuts or raw veggies to calm that crazy beast and keep it occupied until dinner is ready.

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Instant Warm Chia Pudding

Warm Chia Pudding

Warm Chia Pudding

Here’s a delicious sweet, filling and warm breakfast to enjoy as the mornings get a bit cooler.

Since it is morning and we all have places we need to get to, instead of ranting, and rambling, I’m just going to get right to it!

Instant Warm Chia Pudding

Ingredients:

1 banana
3 tablespoons of chia gel*
3-4 tablespoons of full fat coconut milk
1/2 tsp vanilla
hand full or 1/4 cup of raisins
sliced almonds or nuts of your choice (walnuts would be good)
1 tsp cinnamon or more or less to liking
tiny pinch of Himalayan salt (optional)

How to make it:

In your cereal bowl, mash up the banana with a fork
add the chia gel, coconut milk, vanilla, cinnamon, salt and mix together
Last, add the raisins and nuts and blend.

Pop into the microwave for 30-35 seconds on high and eat it all up!

*Chia gel – Combine 6oz filtered water with 2 tbs of chia seeds.  Let sit for 10 minutes or store overnight in a sealed container in the refridgerator.  Eating gelled chia helps the body to digest and absorb the macronutrients best.  Chia is a good source of Omega-3s, Calcium, Phosphorus and Manganese.

Chia pudding is a great alternative to having eggs for breakfast and it really keeps you full!