Category Archives: breakfast

Smiling when you fucking want to and also Protein Bars

 

Warning:  I’m pissed and I am going to say “Fuck“.  A lot.

Men need to stop telling women they see on the street to smile.

If they like smiling so much, then maybe they should walk down the street smiling for absolutely no fucking reason at all.  At least then women will know from a safe distance that the man is a lunatic and should be avoided because who else but a wack job would just be walking down the street with a smile on their face?

image

 

 

 

 

smīl/e  verb

form one’s features into a pleased, kind, or amused expression, typically with the corners of the mouth turned up and the front teeth exposed.

So here is the breakdown of why  I am cracking down on this thing of men telling women they should smile:

  1. They don’t deserve it.

Okay so who in the hell are you that you think just because you are on the street at the same time that I am that I would be pleased and amused and want to express that toward you?  Unless you are Bradley Cooper, Daniel Craig or David Beckham, who I also don’t personally know, then I am not going to smile at you as I walk down the street by myself just because you said so.  You  deserve a throat punch from me not a smile.

  1.  It is harassment.

Shouting to a stranger “You’re not even going to smile for me?!”  Is not less offensive than shouting, “You’re a bitch!”  because both make a woman feel unsafe.  

  1.  You don’t get to tell me what to do.

This is a command to perform something, a smile.  It is saying, “Show me you are pleased with me even though you don’t even know who the hell I am.”   No.   I smile when I want to.  

  1.  It’s rapey.  There I said it.  Do women ever do this?  Hell no! It is a domination thing, an intimidation thing.  We do not tell men to smile.  We do not randomly tell each other to smile. Men do not do this to other men.

Okay okay, so here’s what happened:  

When this happened to me recently,  my mind was on the spin training I was on my way to so of course I didn’t expect the shout directed at me, “What you’re not even going to smile for me?”  and I simply brushed it off and ignored the asshole but the more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off.   If this ever happens to me again,  Here is what they will get:   

TeethSo how do you like me now? Huh?  Am I prettier now?

I wonder how this will make him feel?  Maybe horrified?  Maybe a little bit attacked?  Maybe he will think twice before doing it again to another woman?  Maybe it will piss him off, I don’t know but I am not going to do what this person says and I am not going to give them the satisfaction of thinking that they intimidated me.  Also, fuck him.

I also hate that my daughters will have to deal with this.  In fact, they already do.  I also hate that much worse happens to women each and every day.  This one thing is enough to make my blood boil.

So for the record it is not okay when a man does this to a woman.  Just in case anyone thought so.  It is straight up harassment and it makes a woman feel unsafe.  Also, even if you know the person, it is still rude because you are actually just calling her a bitch whether you know her or not.

And now here is something to really smile about!  You may be walking down the street and remember you have one of these chocolaty satisfying snacks in your bag for later and then you won’t be able to help but smile!

Protein Bar

 

 

 

 

Protein Bars recipe

  • 2  1/4 cups whey protein
  • 1 cup almond butter
  • 1 cup coconut unsweetened
  • 4 tbs raw honey
  • ¼ cup cocoa
  • 1 tbs cinnamon
  • 1tsp vanilla extract
  • 1 tsp Himalayan salt divided into 3/4 tsp and 1/4 tsp
  • 1/2 of an 85% – 90% dark chocolate bar.

Directions:

  1. Combine all ingredients in a food processor and blend till combined.
  2. Pour and mold into a 7 x 5 x 1.5 inch glass container lined with wax paper
  3. Melt half a 85% or 95% dark chocolate bar in the microwave and spread all over the top and sprinkle with 1/4 tsp Himalayan salt.
  4. Refrigerate for a couple of hours at least and then cut into ten pieces.  Wrap individually in wax lined foil paper and store in the refrigerator.

 

  • Total Protein   17.6
  • Total Carbs  15.82 
  • Total Fat 22.44
  • Total Calories  317.7
  • 7 grams of sugar 

Smug Cake

Here’s the best thing that ever happened to getting up at 4:30 a.m. in the cold to go work out before going to work:

Two words.  Mug.  Cake.
Mug Cake Chocolate Raspberry

So on my never ending quest for food and ways to make it be healthy and simple, I have come across this thing called the mug cake.  I did not invent the mug cake but if I did, I would have to call it Smug Cake because if I had invented a way to have yummy comfort food that is healthy and quick like this, I would be all sorts of full of myself.  I just came across this idea on Facebook but nevertheless, I have to share this awesomeness with you!

Also I really can’t be too smug because I wore not black pants to boot camp and then did lots and lots and lots of jump rope. If you don’t know why that was a bad idea then please read my workout tip below:  

Workout tip:  If you have ever given birth and you are over 40 and your workout will include lots of jump rope, and maybe you had a little too much coffee before, for the love of all things not embarrassing, do NOT wear any other color pants besides black!  You may not be able to stop nature as you pound your feet down a couple hundred times while your trainer in her amazing way of motivating you to go “faster!” “How many can you get in?!”  gets you to push yourself in ways you never thought possible.  Thank you Jean for being that trainer!  Cindarella Jump RopeBut alas, jump rope is not quite like it was when I was 8.  “Cinderella dressed in yellow….” I suppose maybe yellow was a good choice for jump rope? No. Not really.

In any event, if the same person who peed their pants at boot camp can make a mug cake then you know it is really that simple.  It should be called Duh Cake.

Here is the basic recipe:

  1. One mug
  2. One Banana
  3. One Egg
  4. One Tbsp Dark Cocoa

Instructions:

  1. Beat together.
  2. microwave 2 minutes.
  3. Eat.

For my pre-workout Mug Cake I like to add:

  1. 1 tbs brewed coffee
  2. dash cinnamon
  3. 1tbs maca
  4. dash Himalayan Salt
  5. 1tsp vanilla

This warm, cocoa-y cake definitely helps me to get up early in the morning and has the carbs, protein, caffeine and nutrients in it to get me ready to rock that workout!  This and some black pants and I am pretty much unstoppable.

You could play with the recipe and make it for dessert for your family in cute little Christmas mugs with some peppermint or if you are all about the pumpkin flavor, add a little pureed pumpkin and pumpkin pie spices instead of the cocoa!  Top that shit with some nice cream, serve it with that smug cake look all over your face because you pushed a few buttons on the microwave and made cozy yummy magic happen and now everyone loves you.

Smug Face

Smug Face

Then sit back in your dry pants with your cozy cup of cake and smile because you have cake! And the only thing that got dirty is one mug and a fork.

 

 

Nice Cream

Nice cream:  another really easy recipe

  1. 3 frozen bananas
  2. 1 tsp vanilla
  3. dash of sea salt

Instructions:

  1. Peel bananas.  Slice into 2 inch pieces.  Wrap in plastic.  Freeze rock hard (overnight)
  2. Put all ingredients in food processor.  Pulse a couple times then blend.  It will go from chunky, to gooey to creamy.  
  3. Spread into a glass container, cover with plastic wrap and then an air tight lid.
  4. Place in freezer.
  5. Wait at least 2 hours (for gelato type consistency)
  6. Now you can eat it.  

For chocolate – also add 3 tbs of cocoa and 1 tbs coconut oil.

You can add some nut butter while you are spreading it in the dish before you freeze it for chocolate nut butter swirl.  

Get creative!  the possibilities with this are endless!

Pee pants

Breakfast for Dinner Party for Two

FullSizeRender (8)When I’m not sure what’s going on with the gang, I’ll plan some meals for the week and then have one or 2 “back-up” ideas.  Breakfast for dinner is one such back-up plan.  One night this past week, it was just me and my youngest daughter Claire, so we had breakfast for dinner.

Declaring Breakfast for Dinner to Claire is the equivalent of declaring this night a party night!  We both get excited and do a little pre-food food dance that involves a little hip swerve followed by 2 fist pumps, repeated three times, with or without biting the lower lip and ending with a high-five.

It’s fun to do things backwards sometimes and we get to be a little naughty and have some maple syrup, and maybe a liiiiiittle more syrup and maybe just a drop more. And Okay stop it already with the syrup!  The shit is expensive, not to mention it’s sugar and we already know that sugar is a huge jerk.  An expensive delicious jerk.

We had pancakes topped with strawberries, maple syrup and some breakfast sausage that I bought from a local grass-fed farm.  I didn’t include any pictures of the sausage though, sorry.  I took some but ya know, sausage just isn’t very photogenic.  This is true even on other blogs, good blogs, much more sophisticated food blogs.  I think it just ends up looking like poo or like um well, like something else unmentionable and this is not that kind of party.  So you will have to take my word for it, the sausage was really good even if it looked like, whatever.

Nevertheless, Claire and I had ourselves a paleo pancake breakfast-for-dinner partay!  I made sure to text pictures of it to my husband and oldest daughter just to rub it in that we were having a party without them because I’m a jerk.  A big fat paleo jerk.  FullSizeRender (9)

Paleo Pancakes

Ingredients:

3 bananas

3 eggs

¼ tsp baking powder

½ tsp vanilla

½ tsp cinnamon

½ cup cashew or almond butter

½ cup of finely chopped walnuts

fresh or frozen strawberries

 

How to make them:

In a mixing bowl with a hand mixer, mash the bananas

add in the eggs and blend together

next blend in the nut butter

add in the baking powder, cinnamon and blend and

last the vanilla, blending together till completely blended

Heat a non-stick pan on medium heat and melt some fat (coconut oil or bacon fat works)

pour by ladle fulls as many as will fit in you pan without them touching and allowing for even distribution of the heat.

Once they are thicker looking and starting to bubble, and the ends appear to be done, carefully flip with a thin flat spatula.  This is tricky and takes some practice and it’s okay if they break.  I find paleo pancakes are harder to flip than traditional ones but you’ll get the hang of it and if they break, who cares?  You’re going to eat them anyway.

Lower the heat a little after flipping them and when done, keep warm in the oven on 200 degrees until the rest of the pancakes are done.

Serve topped with ghee, strawberries and a little maple syrup.  Enjoy!

You can also get really nutty and top with more nut butter and nuts with apples and cinnamon.  In this recipe, I substituted one banana with 3/4 cup of pureed pumpkin.

 

Paleo banana pancakes with sweet potato and almond butter

Instant Warm Chia Pudding

Warm Chia Pudding

Warm Chia Pudding

Here’s a delicious sweet, filling and warm breakfast to enjoy as the mornings get a bit cooler.

Since it is morning and we all have places we need to get to, instead of ranting, and rambling, I’m just going to get right to it!

Instant Warm Chia Pudding

Ingredients:

1 banana
3 tablespoons of chia gel*
3-4 tablespoons of full fat coconut milk
1/2 tsp vanilla
hand full or 1/4 cup of raisins
sliced almonds or nuts of your choice (walnuts would be good)
1 tsp cinnamon or more or less to liking
tiny pinch of Himalayan salt (optional)

How to make it:

In your cereal bowl, mash up the banana with a fork
add the chia gel, coconut milk, vanilla, cinnamon, salt and mix together
Last, add the raisins and nuts and blend.

Pop into the microwave for 30-35 seconds on high and eat it all up!

*Chia gel – Combine 6oz filtered water with 2 tbs of chia seeds.  Let sit for 10 minutes or store overnight in a sealed container in the refridgerator.  Eating gelled chia helps the body to digest and absorb the macronutrients best.  Chia is a good source of Omega-3s, Calcium, Phosphorus and Manganese.

Chia pudding is a great alternative to having eggs for breakfast and it really keeps you full!

 

 

 

 

 

So you’re sick of eggs for breakfast huh?

imageA lot of people ask, “What can I have for breakfast?  I’m gettin’ sick of eggs every day.”    Well, eggs are probably one of the most perfect foods for breakfast because they contain so many vitamins, minerals, proteins and healthy fats but sure, I get it.  Eggs can kind of get to you after a while and mornings are often rushed and there isn’t time to mess around making bacon and eggs and cleaning it all up before you rush out the door, late again because you were eating a big breakfast of eggs, again.

Or maybe it isn’t that eggs take up a lot of time, but you just want some variety.  I totally get that.

Breakfast doesn’t always have to be what we think of as “breakfast”.  I blame  that liar Tony the Tiger and Saturday morning cartoons.  They’re NOT greeeeaaaattttt!  They’re diabeetus in a bowl.

Anywho…. When you make dinners, you can be thinking to yourself, hmmm maybe this would be good for breakfast?  Leftovers are a really great breakfast and lunch.  I know you are like so sick of eggs, but you can just put an egg on pretty much any leftovers.  You can put a sunny side or scrambled egg on top of some re-heated pulled pork or a salad.  Sunnyside up eggs are great on top of a salad because the yolk makes for a rich and creamy dressing.

I know, this was supposed to be about eggless breakfasts.

You girls can come back for dinner.  We are sick or your stupid eggs.

You girls can come back for dinner. We are sick or your stupid eggs.

I love the convenience of sweet potatoes baked ahead of time for breakfast.  One of my favorite ways to enjoy them is just baked with some sunflower butter and cinnamon.  Sunflower butter is rich in magnesium and other minerals and sweet potatoes are a power house of vitamin A, C, and potassium.  They are also rich in fiber and iron.  Honestly, if I couldn’t have them I probably wouldn’t be doing this whole paleo thing.

Take some time ahead and make it easier on yourself.  Make the potatoes ahead of time, and eat room temp or heat up in the microwave for half a minute and you have a quick, delicious and satisfying little breakfast!

Here are a couple of recipes for breakfast that may take a little bit of planning and preparation, but are things you can get ready or partially ready as part of your evening routine.  While you are making dinner, you can just do these while waiting for your chicken to cook or steak to be done.  When I get back from grocery shopping I try to think ahead and prep some things such as chia gel or chop up veggies.   A few minutes invested here and there can really help you to have some variety for breakfast.

Hot Pumpkin “Cereal”image

Ingredients:

1 can organic pumpkin
1 head cauliflower
1-2 cups home made almond milk (or full fat coconut milk)
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp ginger  (plus more of these spices for sprinkling)
1 tbs coconut oil
1 big pinch of Himalayan salt

Instructions:

Rinse and chop up the cauliflower into small pieces and place on a parchment lined baking sheet
coat with coconut oil
sprinkle salt, cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger on it
bake for half hour on 400 degrees

Roasted Cauliflower

Roasted Cauliflower

When done, put in food processor and pulse a few times.
slowly add in half a cup on milk until smooth but not pureed texture (you want just a little bit of chunkiness left)

imagePut the pumpkin and spices in a saucepan over medium-low heat and slowly add half a cup of milk stirring slowly.

Add the cauliflower mixture, vanilla and another half a cup of milk or more until desired thickness and heated through.image

Top with toasted walnuts and coconut or almonds and pour some milk around it.

Sprinkle with more cinnamon and drizzle with maple syrup or honey, if desired.

Store leftovers in the fridge up to a week.  Reheat and enjoy!


Blueberry Chia Pudding (Wicked Easy)

blue berry chia pudding

blue berry chia pudding

*Soak seeds in water over night 2 tbs seeds in 6oz water

Instructions:

1 can coconut milk full fat
1 ripe banana
1 – 2 cups blueberries
1/2 juicy orange extra peel removed
Pinch of salt
Tsp raw honey (optional)
Tsp vanilla
1 tb collagen protein soluble (optional) – The Great Lakes green one, not the orange one

Add all but chia gel and gelatin to blender and hand pulse blend till smooth  Pour into a glass storage bowl and add the chia gel and gelatin.  Serve or  cover and store overnight to blend the flavors.

Serve plain or topped with berries and walnuts

image