Tag Archives: chocolate

Smiling when you fucking want to and also Protein Bars

 

Warning:  I’m pissed and I am going to say “Fuck“.  A lot.

Men need to stop telling women they see on the street to smile.

If they like smiling so much, then maybe they should walk down the street smiling for absolutely no fucking reason at all.  At least then women will know from a safe distance that the man is a lunatic and should be avoided because who else but a wack job would just be walking down the street with a smile on their face?

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smīl/e  verb

form one’s features into a pleased, kind, or amused expression, typically with the corners of the mouth turned up and the front teeth exposed.

So here is the breakdown of why  I am cracking down on this thing of men telling women they should smile:

  1. They don’t deserve it.

Okay so who in the hell are you that you think just because you are on the street at the same time that I am that I would be pleased and amused and want to express that toward you?  Unless you are Bradley Cooper, Daniel Craig or David Beckham, who I also don’t personally know, then I am not going to smile at you as I walk down the street by myself just because you said so.  You  deserve a throat punch from me not a smile.

  1.  It is harassment.

Shouting to a stranger “You’re not even going to smile for me?!”  Is not less offensive than shouting, “You’re a bitch!”  because both make a woman feel unsafe.  

  1.  You don’t get to tell me what to do.

This is a command to perform something, a smile.  It is saying, “Show me you are pleased with me even though you don’t even know who the hell I am.”   No.   I smile when I want to.  

  1.  It’s rapey.  There I said it.  Do women ever do this?  Hell no! It is a domination thing, an intimidation thing.  We do not tell men to smile.  We do not randomly tell each other to smile. Men do not do this to other men.

Okay okay, so here’s what happened:  

When this happened to me recently,  my mind was on the spin training I was on my way to so of course I didn’t expect the shout directed at me, “What you’re not even going to smile for me?”  and I simply brushed it off and ignored the asshole but the more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off.   If this ever happens to me again,  Here is what they will get:   

TeethSo how do you like me now? Huh?  Am I prettier now?

I wonder how this will make him feel?  Maybe horrified?  Maybe a little bit attacked?  Maybe he will think twice before doing it again to another woman?  Maybe it will piss him off, I don’t know but I am not going to do what this person says and I am not going to give them the satisfaction of thinking that they intimidated me.  Also, fuck him.

I also hate that my daughters will have to deal with this.  In fact, they already do.  I also hate that much worse happens to women each and every day.  This one thing is enough to make my blood boil.

So for the record it is not okay when a man does this to a woman.  Just in case anyone thought so.  It is straight up harassment and it makes a woman feel unsafe.  Also, even if you know the person, it is still rude because you are actually just calling her a bitch whether you know her or not.

And now here is something to really smile about!  You may be walking down the street and remember you have one of these chocolaty satisfying snacks in your bag for later and then you won’t be able to help but smile!

Protein Bar

 

 

 

 

Protein Bars recipe

  • 2  1/4 cups whey protein
  • 1 cup almond butter
  • 1 cup coconut unsweetened
  • 4 tbs raw honey
  • ¼ cup cocoa
  • 1 tbs cinnamon
  • 1tsp vanilla extract
  • 1 tsp Himalayan salt divided into 3/4 tsp and 1/4 tsp
  • 1/2 of an 85% – 90% dark chocolate bar.

Directions:

  1. Combine all ingredients in a food processor and blend till combined.
  2. Pour and mold into a 7 x 5 x 1.5 inch glass container lined with wax paper
  3. Melt half a 85% or 95% dark chocolate bar in the microwave and spread all over the top and sprinkle with 1/4 tsp Himalayan salt.
  4. Refrigerate for a couple of hours at least and then cut into ten pieces.  Wrap individually in wax lined foil paper and store in the refrigerator.

 

  • Total Protein   17.6
  • Total Carbs  15.82 
  • Total Fat 22.44
  • Total Calories  317.7
  • 7 grams of sugar 

Chocolate Avocado Pudding

IMG_0137The first time I made this for my family, I made them try and guess what was in it.  They knew that it wasn’t going to be the traditional refined sugar and heavy dairy cream but they had no idea.  They knew it was rich and creamy and chocolately and wonderful, but they were totally stumped.  When I finally told them it was avocado, they were all like, “Whaaaaa ?? Avocados?  Really?!  Yup. Really.  Avocados.  Amazing Avocados and some other good stuff.

 

Avocado Chocolate Pudding

Ingredients

2 ripe avocados

1 ripe banana- the riper the sweeter

9 pitted medjool dates

1 cup full fat coconut milk

¼ tsp cinnamon

2 big pinches Himalayan salt (or sea salt)

1 tsp vanilla

1 cup of cocoa

 

Instructions

Place pitted dates in a mason jar and add water so it is just covering them  Put on the lid and let them soak for about up to 12 hours or if you can’t deal and you want them NOW let them soak about half an hour, take the lid off and pop them in the microwave for about 25 seconds so they get soft but not hot.  Drain some of the water out, leaving up to a quarter cup.

Put all of the ingredients into your blender, except for the vanilla, and blend to incorporate.   Last, add the vanilla and keep blending until it reaches a pudding consistency.

Serve topped with coconut, nuts and berries.  For added sweetness and texture, you can mix in raisins.Pudding

 

Melted Dark Chocolate Coconut Cookies

Melted Chocolate Coconut Cookies

Melted Dark Chocolate Coconut Cookies

 

 

 

 

 

These cookies are great for that time when you are absolutely dying for a gooey warm chocolate chip cookie but you discover that you have no chocolate chips left.  Damn it!  Who got into the chocolate chips?  You knew you had like half a bag left in there…    Never fear because you do still have that dark chocolate bar you were hiding for a chocolate emergency such as this!
image You may be tempted to not share these delicious warm and chocolatey cookies but it really is better to take the high road here and share the love of dark chocolate with your family, including whoever that sneaky chocolate chip thief was.

Melted Dark Chocolate Coconut Cookies

Ingredients:

1 cup almond butter
1/3 raw honey
1 egg whisked
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup cocoa powder
pinch of Himalayan or Kosher salt
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup finely shredded coconut
1/4 cup large flaked coconut toasted

1 70 – 80% Dark Chocolate Bar broken into 1/2 inch sized squares. Or if you are a dark chocolate freak like me, you can use 85% or 90%.  Lindt is good or Green & Blacks

1-2 tsps coconut sugar (optional)

Note:  The darker chocolate tastes  even stronger when it is melted.  If you absolutely love dark chocolate, put on a bigger or darker piece but a little goes a long way!

Directions:

Oven 350 degrees

  1.  In a non stick pan, toast the large coconut flakes till they begin to turn light brown on the edges, being careful not to let it burn.

  2.  With a hand mixer, blend the first 4 ingredients till combined.

  3. Add cocoa powder, baking powder and baking soda and mix well.

  4. Last, stir-in in the finely shredded coconut

  5. Drop by tablespoon full sized drops on a parchment paper lined baking sheet an inch or more apart.

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  1. Bake for about 15  minutes or till just set.  Usually when you can smell them, they are ready to come out.

  2. As soon as they come out of the oven, place sheet on a cooling rack let them rest a few seconds.

  3.  Carefully place a chocolate square on each, then top with toasted coconut and sprinkle with coconut sugar, if desired.  Let cool another couple of minutes.

  4.  With a thin flat spatula, carefully remove from cookie sheet and let cool on rack.

  5.  The chocolate will melt and then set as the cookie cools.

I know it’s hard, but try and let them cool a little longer so the top sets well.  Or, if you just can’t hold back any longer, scarf them all down and laugh wildly as the melted chocolate runs all over your face and hands!  You’re a hot mess and you love it!

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